Couples Counseling When You Missed Major Red Flags due to Game Playing
Mar 13, 2019
If you followed a dating coach's frivolous advice or read some self-help books before you got married, don't beat yourself up. But couples counseling often comes to the rescue if you missed major red flags when dating your spouse. Experts point out there are several reasons to put the brakes on an engagement, but game playing and deception during courtship often interfere with good decision making. It's not too late to overcome challenges with the help of a good couples' therapist.There are several issues that should give couples a reason to pause before marrying. Couples therapy can help you confront the issues or decide to break it off if you aren't already married.
Putting other people ahead of you
A person you marry should put you ahead of friends. Of course, if there are step children in the picture, don't expect a dating partner to drop everything when he or she has plans with a child. Becoming part of a blended family, though, takes extra work and commitment.
Failing to communicate
If your partner doesn't talk to you about important issues such as sex, money and parenting styles, it's important to bring a therapist into the mix. Instead of giving up on the partner, learn how to communicate. Depending on your partner's personality type, he or she might express feelings or hold them inside. They might tell you what they are thinking or keep their cards close to the vest. Game playing doesn't help as it often brings in an element of deception.
Cheating on you
Many people only want to express romantic love with a partner who is monogamous and committed. For most people, cheating is a deal breaker. If a partner does not find anything wrong with cheating, it's likely he or she will cheat again. In that scenario, you are likely not a good match. On the other hand, if a partner feels truly sorry for cheating on you or a past partner, consider how therapy can help.
Giving you the cold shoulder
A partner who gives you the silent treatment to punish you or withholds sex as a way to manipulate, is not going to bring you happiness. With therapy, it's easier to find out if you are truly a victim of silent treatment or if your partner is truly busy or tired. Everyone has different sex drives.
Dealing with drug issues
Narcissists are addicted to the attention they get from other people. Gamblers like the high they feel when taking a risk. Other addictions include the standard drugs and alcohol. Before committing to a person in a serious relationship, find out if they are truly in recovery. It's best to only stay involved with a person who agrees to attend counseling or support groups. Anyone who thinks they can handle their addictions on their own is in denial.
Other major issues that are red flags include marrying a person who is in the middle of major life stresses such as a death in the family, major illness or recent divorce. If you are married, avoid jumping to divorce court while dealing with a loss of a child or other loved one. Other reasons people need couples therapy include partners with mental health issues as well as partners exhibiting controlling and emotionally unstable behavior. People who keep secrets from you are also not ready for serious commitments. For more information on couples counseling and the red flags in a relationship, please contact us.